SYM Show: Child, Please!

Steven Adams, Saddleback's Kids Ministry Pastor, pops in unexpectedly so Kurt and Jason change direction. The new topic? How can the children's and youth ministries of the church work together better? Hint: Puppets are not needed

Small Group Topics Of Conversation

The best part of my ministry week is, by far, the 120 minutes or so I spend every Tuesday night with a group of 14 8th grade guys. And, the fact that my co-leader really does most of the hard work (like planning the lessons, communicating with parents, etc.) makes it even better!

Like most junior high small group gatherings, ours is ALWAYS a hodge-podge of unrelated conversations. Last night was no exception. Here, in no particular order and not confessing how much time was spent on each topic, is a partial list of what we talked about last night as we gathered together in our host home:

- English teacher attire: Specifically one who prefers fancy blouses with yoga pants, sandals and socks.
- The discussion of appendix removal (one of our guys had his removed last week) followed by a 5 minute appendectomy video on YouTube.
- Italian speed walkers using performance enhancing drugs.
- The parable of the unforgiving servant.
- The cute girl in math class and the temptation to “multiply”.
- Jelly Beans
- iPhone apps we’d like to see….of the hilariously absurd sort.
- John 3:16 and the reason people hold up that particular passage on signs at sporting events.
- Scripture memory tips.
- Whether or not dinosaurs would make good pets.
- And after we were finished…after we closed in prayer…we watched the appendectomy video again.

SYMC….It’s Different, And It’s Not Too Late To Join Us!

There are SO MANY reasons I love the Simply Youth Ministry Conference…and many of them are fairly predictable; stuff you would expect to enjoy about almost any conference you would attend.

But one of the things I like most about SYMC, and something that sets it apart is the unpredictable stuff the crew at Simply Youth Ministry is willing to toss into the mix!This year is no exception.Below is a sneak-peek at the general session speaker for Saturday night…a slot usually reserved for the “big dogs”:

Grey Matter(s)

I’ve been thinking lately about the (seemingly) lack of absolute clarity/certainty when it comes to aspects of faith and ministry. And, I find it interesting that so many people really do seem to have a hard time embracing nuance, “the fuzzy middle”, uncertainty….the idea that many times there is no black and white but mostly shades of grey.

And I get it; especially when you look at scripture. God’s Word is full of declarative statements, warnings of the dangers of being lukewarm, proclamations against wishy-washiness, foundation-building instructions (rock vs sand, by the way) and on and on and on. It’s obvious that God is certainly a god of absolutes.

And here’s where things seem to get grey: When we mix our understanding of so much of scripture with the day to day experiences life and ministry hand us. To that we add our pride; or desire to always be “right” about an issue or to have a definitive answer. To this we add the (whether self-imposed or others-imposed…or both) expectation that “leaders” always know what’s best, can articulate it AND get others to buy into it. Then we mix in a little bit of outside influence through the books and blogs we read and various “thought leaders” we listen to. And finally (not really finally because I could go on and on….) we sprinkle in the expectations of parents, students, volunteers and peers to confidently proclaim truth and clarity to vast issues those under our care and leadership deal with.

In my experience, lots and lots of situations we face can easily be reconciled (or at least honestly evaluated) by the clarity and straightforwardness of God’s word. LOTS! Because so much of life is about black and white, right and wrong, God’s way vs. the world’s way.

And in my experience, lots and lots of situations require the willingness to live in the grey zone…the world of “both/and”, “neither/nor”, “sorta”, “maybe” and “gosh…I’m not quite sure.” Simply put: Life is often at least 49 shades of grey.

But:
-Grey isn’t sexy.
-Grey isn’t provocative.
-Grey doesn’t build an audience on the book/blog/speaking circuit.
-Grey doesn’t build a following: “hey, follow me…I’m not sure about lots of stuff!”
-Grey doesn’t answer the questions so many people are hoping somebody will answer for them.
-Grey doesn’t give easy answers to issues.
-Grey doesn’t allow me to take side, therefore having a “camp” I belong to, and allies from whom to gain support.
-Grey doesn’t allow me to make a declarative statement, put the issue to rest and move on.

Life and ministry are easier in the world of black and white. Absolutes are fantastic…when they exist. But when they don’t, let’s avoid the temptation to be lazy thinkers and laborers. Let’s be willing to do the hard work of living, leading, loving and learning in the midst of uncertainty.

Want to think a little more about this? Here are some prompts:
- In what areas have you settled for a “black and white” answer that may actually require some “grey thinking”?
- In what areas have you settled for “grey” that may actually be a “black and white” issue?
- How comfortable are you NOT always having an absolute answer for your JH students?
- How might you help your JH students develop the ability to wrestle through, and be okay with, uncertainty?
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7th Grade Girls

POSTED BY KATIE EDWARDS

I’m sitting in Starbucks thinking about my small group. On Wednesday nights I lead a small group of 14 7^th grade girls. Let me rephrase that, I lead a group of 14 sweet, crazy, loud, don’t want to do anything serious whatsoever 7^th grade girls. They are wonderful. As I sit here reflecting on our time last night, I find myself giggling out loud just thinking about some of the things they say and do. I thought I would share them.

-       They like to scream. And hug.

-       They love any excuse to wear pajama bottoms outside their house.

-       Makena texts ahead of time to let us know what she is wearing to group.

-       Sugar is the enemy. We don’t show them any sugar until they are leaving.

-       Julia brings a stuffed snake named Frank that answers questions during bible study.

-       Did I mention they like to scream?

-       Half of my group looks 10 and the other half looks 18. However, everyone acts 13.

-       The big things and the little things really matter to them. When they walk in the door, they each have 18 very important things to tell me.

-       When we start our bible study time there is a constant hum in the room. They literally cannot all be quiet and paying attention at the same time.

-       I write down a lot of prayer requests regarding sick dogs, tests at school, and friends of friends.

-       Even though they are all teenagers, they are still such little girls in so many ways.

I love these girls. We have not gotten to the point in our small group where tons of deep stimulating conversation about Jesus is happening yet. But I know the time we are spending together and the relationships being formed are eventually going lead us toward something amazing.

True Dat!

Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking to a group of about 500 youth workers from the Church Of Christ. I shared four truths I’ve been learning the past few years that have simultaneously led me to a deeper faith experience AND exposed my areas of shallowness.

1) Life Is A Squiggle.
This one isn’t really new, and it has sort of become a “calling card” of sorts for me. I’m convinced that when we embrace the reality that life is unpredictable, that we are slaves to sin (sorta like Paul), that twists and turns are all part of the journey we actually begin to rely on God in deeper ways than ever before.

2) I Need A Travel Parnter….Or Two.
I’m not talking about traditional accountability where you sit together with your accountability partner (whom you often really don’t have deep relationship with) and go through a list of accountability partners. I’m talking about a friend or two who know and love you deeply; who know the good, bad and ugly about you. A friend with whom, as my buddy Scott Rubin says, you can put “your worst foot forward”.

3) Busyness Will Keep Me In The Shallow End.
After purposely bragging in my intro about how much I have going on in my life (as part of a set up for this part), I then shared the sickening story of my recent complete unawareness that my neighbor was in her 3rd round of chemo for breast cancer. A guy who lives SIX houses down was the one who told me. The Pastor on the block…who is so busy doing great ministry…isn’t even connected to his next door neighbor.I talked about the fact that Jesus despised the Pharisees for their “cup issues”; being impressed with their outward appearance. Can you imagine me bragging to Jesus about the outside of my cup with him knowing about my lack of concern for my neighbor. Yikes.

In Life, And In Ministry, I Need A Long View
We are infatuated with the here and now, with instant gratification. But most good stuff in life takes time to develop.

Those are some things God has been teaching/reminding me of lately. If you haven’t done so in a while, take a few minutes sometime soon to jot down what He’s been teaching you.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, everybody!
Scott is spending his break Celebrating his Parent’s 50th wedding anniversary in the Dominican Republic.
I’m sneaking away with family and friends to camp in the desert and ride dirt bikes.
Katie is staying in town relaxing and cooking good food.

Very few folks in the church work harder than junior high youth leaders, so no matter how you are spending the next few days, we hope they are filled with the people you love celebrating the One who first loved us!

SYM Show: Where'd You Get Those Sweet Sunglasses?

The mailbox is full with questions and input from the youth worker nation! Jason and Kurt take a shot at working their way through the various emails. Plus a debate (argument) breaks out about seating arrangement and Jason FINALLY gets some decent sunglasses from a sponsor!

SYM Show: Where'd You Get Those Sweet Sunglasses?

The mailbox is full with questions and input from the youth worker nation! Jason and Kurt take a shot at working their way through the various emails. Plus a debate (argument) breaks out about seating arrangement and Jason FINALLY gets some decent sunglasses from a sponsor!

Check THIS Out…But Only If You Care About Junior Highers

A constant sticking point over the course of my ministry has been the ongoing attempt to help junior highers develop a desire to read God’s Word on their own…outside the walls of the church or comfy confines of their small group.

And for the most part I’ve failed in my efforts. Simply put, far too few young teenagers spend time reading the bible. FAR. TOO. FEW.

So I am jumping out of my skin with excitement over The Simple Truth Bible, a brand new 365 day “Bible” that works students through the key themes of scripture in very easy to chew bites.

The cover bills The Simple Truth Bible as “The Best Minute of Your Day” but the reality is each little devotion will take about 10-minutes. 10-minutes per day in God’s word sound like we are setting the bar too low?Consider two things:

1) Most junior highers are spending exactly ZERO minutes a day in God’s word, so 10-minutes is infinitely/immeasurably better!

2) Let’s pretend every junior higher in your ministry spends 10-minutes a day, 6 days a week, reading The Simple Truth Bible.That adds up to an hour a week, 4 hours a month, and 48 hours per year. What sort of growth might occur in their lives if they actually spent 48 hours alone with God’s word over the course of the year! By the way, that also equates to about half a school day every month reading the Bible!

The devotions in The Simple Truth Bible were written by a mix of youth ministry “experts”, in-the-trenches youth workers and even a few teenagers! The result is a fantastic, easy-to-use “bible” that every teenager needs in their hands.

You can pre-order as many copies as you want, and read more details about it and download 20 sample devotions right here.

SYM Show: The Mayans Were Wrong!

Because you guys got so distracted last week, they once again try to empty the Youth Worker Nation mailbox of letters. As usually, the rambling takes a few twists and turns, but eventually they get down to business.

SYM Show: The Mayans Were Wrong!

Because you guys got so distracted last week, they once again try to empty the Youth Worker Nation mailbox of letters. As usually, the rambling takes a few twists and turns, but eventually they get down to business.

Students Have the Best Ideas

POSTED by Katie Edwards

A few months back I started meeting with a group of my students to plan our weekend junior high church service. We meet once a month for an hour in my office to share ideas and plan. I try to get a good mix of gender, grades, schools, personalities etc. and it is typically never the same group twice. It’s a super low key/no frills meeting, but it has become one of my favorite times of the month.

How the meeting is structured:

- We start with snacks.  (An essential for any brainstorm session with students)

- Then we go to the whiteboard. (A second essential for a good brainstorm sesh)

- I throw the series theme/topic on the whiteboard, along with some basic service elements. “Elements” such as music, message, games, etc.

- Then we just start talking and sharing ideas.

- I ask questions like, “Would you bring a friend to this?”, “Do you think this is funny?”, “Will others students like this?” ,“How could you grow in your walk with Jesus from this?” and so on.

- At the end of our time together our students feel a sense of ownership in our ministry and I walk away with tons of ideas and a more relevant picture of what my students like/want/need.

I know it’s tough to put one more meeting on the calendar, but this type of touch base with your students could be totally worth your time. Honestly, I walk away after each meeting feeling totally inspired and more in love with students.

Stuff about JHi Ministry that I Still Don’t Understand

There are some things I think I’ll never fully understand.
I’m in an airplane as I type this. I know the laws of physics that explain how a giant hunk of metal can fly through the air – but even still, I don’t think I’ll ever completely “understand” it. It still rattles my brain.

LIkewise, even though I’ve been doing middle school ministry for many years now, there are still some things I’ll never fully understand!

- Like how every week when small groups of middle school boys spend just a short amount of time in my office, the place absolutely stinks for hours after they’re gone.

- Like how middle school parents don’t care what we teach 49 weeks out of the year, but when we start our guy/girl relationships series they’re all super-curious.

- Like how a jr. higher who’s excited to see me will run up & stand 12 inches from a conversation I’m having … even though they have nothing they want to say.

- Like how an adult who’s so reluctant to volunteer time with kids, can fall so in love with middle schoolers that they invest more than you ever thought they would.

- Like how “stealing a hat & running away” is still so fun for jr. highers.

- Like how some middle schools act like they’re about 8 years old, and others act like they’re 18. And how sometimes that’s the same kid, 20 minutes apart.

- Like how a game we dream up seems like such a genius idea – until we actually play it!

- Like how honest a middle school kid will be with you, when they know that you really care about them.

- Like how God uses a shmoe like me to help some jr highers see him a little more clearly – and how that can really, truly make a difference in their life!

Sticky Faith At Saddleback: UPDATE

Six months ago, we broke new ground at Saddleback in our attempt to help our students develop a Sticky Faith. We introduced the idea of what we call Worship Together Weekends, where we cancel our youth group program once a month and encourage families to attend the adult worship service together.I wrote all about it here.

Tomorrow I’m giving a little 6-month update to our executive team about our learnings, etc. and figured some of you might be interested as well.I haven’t put together the formal presentation yet so these are just some bullet-point thoughts that I’m sure will find their way into it:

Overall, I would grade Worship Together Weekend (WTW) as a success.Not a massive success…and there is still work for us to do, but it has been successful. A few reasons:

- On average, 73% of our teenagers are attending church on WTW.

- Out of a couple thousand families of teenagers, our youth offices have had three negative phone calls, emails etc. from parents. Certainly there are concerned parents who haven’t reached out….but only THREE?

- To the contrary we have had lots and lots and lots of parents pull us aside during WTW and share how much they love the idea…even if their teenager doesn’t!

- Our team has had numerous conversations with teenagers who have grown up at Saddleback and have stated that until WTW began they had never stepped foot in the worship center.

- These weekends (for the most part) feel fairly intergenerational. Students are helping lead worship, are featured in the announcement videos, etc.

Some areas we can improve:

- The majority of our students haven’t bought into the concept. In our youth gatherings, when we announce that WTW is coming next weekend, there is palpable sense that we just sucked the fun out of the room!

- Our adult weekend speakers, for the most part, have not done a good job of acknowledging the presence of the students in their messages. They typically greet the youth group in their intro…then proceed to preach a completely adult-centric message.

- We need to message and brand the weekends more effectively and consistently. They are becoming routine (in a good way) but still don’t feel like a vital part of Saddleback’s DNA.

We aren’t there yet….we have a long road ahead of us….and I’m not married to the WTW experiment. What I am married to, however, is the desire to help or teenagers feel more and more like highly valued, highly important members of our church family.

I’m going to let Josh Griffin know about this post and ask him to either add his thoughts in the comments or write his own post at morethandodgeball.com

Responding to Loss

There are 2 girls in my ministry that lost their dads to cancer in the past 2 months. I have a close relationship with both girls and it has been extremely difficult watching them navigate their grief. When something like this happens in a student’s life, I am always thinking about the right way to respond…to minister…to be there for my students. The thoughts below come out of my reflection of the past couple of months and my interaction with Madison.

I am not intruding…When I hear that someone has died, often times my first response has been, “I don’t want to intrude on the family…I will wait a few days before I call or visit.” While there are appropriate times to visit/call, I believe that students grieving just want a physical reminder of those that love them. It doesn’t have to be a 3 hour visit or a long awkward phone call – it really could just be a moment on the phone or a quick stop by for a hug. When I heard that Madison’s dad passed away, I texted her telling her I was going to stop by for a short while after church. Her response was in all caps, “CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!” I honestly think students really want us to intrude sometimes.

It’s ok that I don’t know what to say…When a student experiences a devastating loss, there really isn’t any right thing to say. When students are going through something difficult I am often tempted to fix it or give advice on how to fix it. But when students are experiencing grief, there are no textbook answers. When I arrived at Madison’s house, she opened the door and ran into my arms. When I looked around her house, I realized she was in a house full of grown-ups that didn’t know what to say either. I brought her a Starbucks and stole her away to take a walk. We walked around the block 4 times. I really don’t think that I said anything super profound, but I do think my presence helped lift her spirits. I don’t think we need to “say the right thing” we just need to be there to say something.

Checking in later…I realized that a few months after Madison’s dad passed, she was really low. I think after all of the visits, memorial service, etc. ended she was left with a lot of silence, sadness, and questions. People around her were moving on but she was still grieving. I have been trying to make it a point to shoot her a note, a text, or call once a month to just check in. I see her regularly at church, but I am trying to be intentional about remembering her loss when no one else does.

After spending time with Madison, I have been reminded that students don’t need the “right response/words/answers” to their grief, they just need the wide open arms of Jesus and someone to point them there.  Grateful that God uses me even when I have no clue of what I am supposed to do.

SYM Show T-Shirt Contest: WINNERS!

Okay…as promised, here are the seven winners of the SYM Show T-shirt from the good people over at whooptee.com

Winners, please send me your mailing address, ALONG WITH YOUR SHIRT SIZE, to Kurtj@saddleback.com and we will get those T-shirts in the mail in time for you to wear it to Christmas dinner!

Winners are:

- Randy Evans
- Josh Jones
- Jeremy Congdon
- Jonathan Pearson
- Beka Miller
- Justin Bowman
- Ryan Nielsen

If you’re looking to design a custom tshirt for your ministry, let Whooptee help!

Random Randomness

- Last night my JH guys small group combined with a girls group for our Christmas party…and all sorts of awkward, wonderful hilarity ensued. Most notably was the almost 100% segregation during the evening. When forced (to partner up for a game, for example), the guys and girls would interact for a few minutes then quickly go back to their respective corners. The whole night was a fun reminder of the uniqueness of JH ministry and why I love it so much.

- Today, 12-12-12, my amazing wife, Rachel Johnston, turns 40! Last night at our JH small group Christmas party, one of the female leaders of the girls group pulled me aside to tell me the story about how she met Rachel a few years ago. It was at the end of a 2-day JH girls trip and this woman had been quietly observing Rachel in action the entire time. She had no idea she was my wife and was shocked to learn this fact at the end of the trip. Rachel’s servant’s heart, love for the JH girls, humility and quiet leadership simply blew this woman away.Listening to her recount that story last night was a reminder of what a truly amazing woman God has allowed me to share life with. Most readers of this blog have never met her, which is sad because they are missing out on one of life’s true joys.

- I’m just cracking open my digital copy (can you crack open a digital copy?) of A.J. Jacob’s new book, Drop Dead Healthy. If you’ve never read A.J. Jacobs, and enjoy humor/satire you need to pick up anything he writes! His method of choice is to pick some sort of experiment and dive into it completely and chronicle his journey. In Drop Dead Healthy, he sets out to experiment with as many diet/exercise plans as he can.

- I really enjoyed Josh Roberie’s little article, Good Thing It Didn’t End When… over at youthministry.com! A great reminder of the need to allow God to finish our story!

- If you work with younger teens (maybe JH-10th grade) be on the lookout for my newest book, This Book Gets Around, due out in March. This Book Gets Around is a fun, interactive “journal” of sorts that gets passed from person to person to person to person…each participate filling out a page of questions. When the owner of the book finally gets it back, it will be full of fun new information about those who got ahold of the book! It is a GREAT book to use at Summer Camp, the beginning of the small group year etc. to help your youth group get to know one another. But, my bigger hope is Christian students will pass it around their schools in hopes of learning a little bit more about their classmates….so they know how to encourage, pray for and better represent Jesus to their friends.Details coming over the coming months!

That LOOK

Have you see “the look” before?

It’s the one that you get when you point out something awesome to a middle schooler… about themselves.   It’s an expression that makes me think they’re trying to communicate “I love hearing about this ‘good’ that you see in me”, and also “I really want to believe what you’re saying about me could be true.”

It’s what happens when we Call Out The Best in middle schoolers.

Jr. highers are familiar with hearing instruction from adults.  And correction.  And even warning.  But I think they’re less familiar with adults really, truly encouraging them for fantastic traits that they see developing in them.   Especially since those encouraging traits often aren’t “perfected”… but rather “on the way”.

A few days ago I was at a middle school basketball game.  It was a thriller (as far as JHi hoops goes!).    The point guard for one team doesn’t go to my church, but I do know a bunch of his friends, and he’s come to a couple of outreaches we’ve done.  He hit some clutch shots down the stretch (including a 3 pointer at the end of double-overtime) and led his team to a win.  When the game was done & he was walking to the parking lot, I noticed that his dad wasn’t around – so I discreetly pulled him aside.

“Nick”, I said, “that was one heck of a game”…. And he showed a smile, while retaining his athlete-cool.  “But can I tell you, even more than hitting those big-time shots, I was even more impressed with how you played.”   I could tell that he wanted to hear more, so I said “When your team got frustrated, you didn’t let it rattle you.  And not only that… your teammates were taking their cues from how you kept a level head.  I don’t know how much you realize it, but the rest of those guys really watch you.  And when you give them some encouraging words, it really lifts them.”

The whole exchange lasted less than 2 minutes.  But he gave me “that look”.  And when he walked away he said “thanks…. Thanks so much for saying that”.

I still remember a guy who started calling the best out of me when I was in middle school.  He was the first one to call out some gifts that God had placed in me, and his willingness to name them gave me the first hope that those things could actually be true about me.

Just curious — what “good” do you need to name in a middle schooler you know?  DO it!    And maybe you’ll see “that look” staring back at you.

Kickin’ It Old Skool

Below are a handful things that used to be normal practice in youth ministry, that now seem almost obsolete. But I think some of the stuff from yesteryear still works. In fact, reaching into the archives once in a while is actually a great way to freshen things up.Here are a few Old Skool things I think are worth working into your rotation:

- Hand-written Notes: This one is tough for me. I don’t like to write by hand (partly because I’m a lefty and the constant smudging of ink bugs the crap out of me….) and rarely take the time. But I’ve recently (re)started hand writing birthday cards to folks on my team, and I’ve been shocked at the response. In a day when it’s easier, and socially normal, to simply toss up a “happy birthday!” comment on facebook, taking the time to write out a card is seen as going above and beyond. What used to be normal is now considered “extra”.

- Make a Phone Call: These days most youth ministries have most of the following: A website, a facebook page, a twitter account, an instagram account, and a mass text message service. The result? There is rarely a need to actually put our $400 phones up to our mouths and ears (which will, I suppose, help us avoid brain tumors)! This week, freak a junior higher or volunteer out and actually call them on their phone. The voice-voice reminder or word of encouragement…to them as an individual instead of as part of the group, will both confuse and delight them.

- Hold An 80′s Event: I’m not talking about an 80′s themed party…but rather doing an activity or event that was popular in youth ministry way back in the 80′s (or 90′s…or 00′s). We have “shelved” a lot of really cool youth ministry stuff simply because their time has passed or because we somehow feel like youth ministry has evolved beyond some of these things. Here are some ideas:An old skool car rally, a polaroid camera scavenger hunt, door-to-door Christmas caroling, roller skating at an actual roller rink…..

Somebody wiser than all of us once said, “There’s nothing new under the sun”. So much of the “new” aspects of our ministry to junior highers is really just a twist or addition to older stuff. In other words, we have built better junior high ministry mousetraps.I propose that every now and then we go back to the old skool mouse traps….they worked pretty well to start with!

What “Old Skool” youth ministry strategy/skill/event/practice would you add?Share it in the comments!

P.S. The best (and true) story of an old skool event gone bad wins a prize!