$9.99 for $39.99 Value—Scrub Away Smells and Stains with a Forever Bar of Stainless Steel Soap

Desperately Seeking Stainless:

SWM in my mid 40s seeking clean hands and a warm heart. I need someone stable. Someone whose love for me won't wane or rust over time. I need purity, clarity, and above all, I need someone who will cleanse me soul-deep.

I’ve been burned before by promises of a fresh start coupled with the lure of sweet chemical scents and glycerin-soaked sheets. I’ve smelled the possibilities of roses, jasmine, patchouli, white diamonds, leather. Tried bombarding my senses with antibacterial solvents, rope-strung lava, and harsh sand scrubs … but the underlying, reeking corruption never went away. Eventually the stink would outweigh the sweet, leaving me on the hunt for a new fix.

No more. I require someone compact and durable who doesn’t mind me rubbing my hands all over them at least daily (and sometimes, if I’m not tired, twice daily). I’m a messy guy who loves to cook, camp, and get thoroughly dirty. As they say “opposites attract,” so think of me as your positively-charged ion if you’ll be my negatively-charged princess.

Deal Details

Innovative stainless steel soap removes pungent odors and lasts forever
The negatively-charged stainless steel combines with positive charge of cool water to neutralize germs
Leaves behind no soap scum and adds no hazardous ingredients to your water
Comes with a custom-sized soap dish
Measures 4.5" x 2.75" x 1.5" and weighs 1 pound

http://bigazzdealz.com/

$19 for $49.99—Suck up any spill with the Dirt Magic Wet/Dry Auto Vacuum

It happens almost everyday like clockwork. You're rushing into the office in the morning, but you're feeling a little groggy from staying up 'til 4am playing Super Metroid. So you pause at the Quickie Mart for a small 64oz mug of coffee and a roll of powdered sugar doughnuts to dust away the cobwebs in your brain. Then, as you're taking a sip, you forget all about the gnarly pothole on 2nd Street. WHABAM! Your beverage goes flying out of your hands. Reflexively, you twist your body to catch the cup, which launches the doughnuts that have been resting on your lap skyward, causing a fine dust of sugar to fall like fresh snow all over your lap and upholstery.

We've all been there, but how do you take care of the mess? You could buy a new car, but that's a hassle. You could move and leave your troubles behind, but the past has a way of catching up with all of us sooner or later. Your best bet is to just clean it up with the Dirt Magic Wet/Dry Auto Vacuum. It sucks wet things. It sucks dry things. And it plugs into your 12V outlet, so you can get clean anytime.

Deal Details

• The portable Dirt Magic Wet/Dry Auto Vacuum is perfect for cars, RVs, boats, Zambonis, backhoes, getaway Jeeps, and satellites
• Slurps up both liquid messes and dry gunk
• Equipped with an 8' cord that plugs into your car's 12V outlet
• Measures 11.25" x 4-5/8" x 3-1/8"
• Washable filter lets you clean your cleaner

Email: support@tagcodeals.com

$15 for $49.99 Value—See exactly what you're typing with the glow-in-the-dark jumbo print keyboard

—We’ve gotten into some jams before, Lindy, but this bind takes the cake. How are we gonna break out of these Turkish catacombs now that the KGB have sealed off the entrance?

—Well, Brady. I don't think our archeology doctorates are going to do us much good against this pile of rubble. First thing's first, we need to shed some light on the situation. Reach into my knapsack and grab my Jumbo Print Keyboard.

—I hardly think this is the time to update your Facebook status, Lindy.

—Just trust me, Brady. The keys glow in the dark. We should be able to use it to find a trap door or secret passageway or something.

—Got it, Lindy. Let me just pull it out … oh dear. Lindy, don't be mad, but I dropped it in a puddle.

—Stop groveling, Brady. It's spill resistant.

—Ah…so it is. Excellent. Okay, now what?

—The Ottomans are pretty predictable, so there should be a switch or lever somewhere inside one of these graves.

—Like this, Lindy?

—Great eye, Brady. Now, let me see…the markings are in Aramaic. If memory serves me, I believe it says "USB 2.0."

—Is that some reference to the 14th century despot Ushpizen Salazar Bartokomous The Second?

—No, Brady. It stands for Universal Serial Bus. Now give me that Jumbo Print Keyboard. I have an idea. I'll just plug in … yes. It seems to be working.

—What … no drivers to install?

—Oh please, Brady. We're not in the '90s anymore. This bad boy pairs with any USB-equipped Mac or PC with no software to install. Now … I just have to type in the secret code. But if I miss-type, the catacombs will probably be flooded with snakes. And I hate snakes.

—Can you see what you're doing?

—Of course, Brady. The text on the keys is 4x larger than usual, so visibility isn't an issue. I just have to be very precise with my typing … here we go. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Return.

—… Did it work, Lindy?

—Shh … look! That sarcophagus just opened up. There's a stairwell down here. We're free, Brady! Now, let's get out of here. My fist has an appointment with some KGB faces, and it doesn't want to be late.

$12 for $79.99—Blast your beats through Dynabass Noise-Isolating, Ultra-comfort Headphones

—Hey, Bobby.

— …

—Yo, Bobby?

— …

—Earth to Bobby. Can you hear me?

—Oh, sorry about that, Chris.

—Man, you need to turn down your Beats headphones.

—These aren't Beats. You think I'd overpay just to support Dr. Dre? These are Dynabass Noise-Isolating Headphones, and they're the dopest. It's crazy how crystal clear and bass-soaked everything sounds coming through the large drivers. And check this: the plush ear pads help drown out background noises, so you feel like you're swimming in a symphonic sea. I've been going through my old music library, and can't believe how good it is.

—Really? Can I give 'em a listen?

—Here you go. I got the music already cued up.

— … uh, is this Jars of Clay?

—Damn right. See, the test of a truly great set of headphones is whether they can make bad music sound tight.

—So you've been rocking nothing but Masta Ace Incorporated, Crash Test Dummies and Candlebox on these things?

—You know it.

—How about Queensryche, Mad Cobra, Better Than Ezra, and Fatboy Slim?

—All of 'em.

—Rednex? Digable Planets? Skee-Lo?

—Yup. Yup. And yup.

—Sister Hazel?

—Yup.

—Mo Thugs Family?

—Yup.

—Pearl Jam?

—Please … no headphones are that good.

—Truth.

Deal Details

• Large drivers deliver clear audio with defined bass
• Extra-padded ear cushions isolate sound, provide comfort during long usage
• 3.5mm audio input is compatible with most audio devices
• Adjustable band for a custom fit
• Heavy-duty 57" cord
• Available in Black and White

Email: support@tagcodeals.com

$13.50 for $29.95 Value—Defend your iPad mini with the transparent Nearly Nude Case

—Do you think they're finally gone?

—Hard to tell. It's quite out there … almost too quite. Let me just peep through the blinds …

*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*

—Nope. The paparazzi are still there.

—Fiddlesticks! How are we supposed to get to the grocery store with that mob of camera-wielding maniacs snapping away like piranha feasting on a tapir?

—We both know the answer to that, hon. I think it's time we consider switching out our Frupal Nearly Nude iPad mini case for something a little less revealing.

—No! I'll never abandon my Nearly Nude Case. Its transparent plastic is custom formed for a perfect fit on my iPad mini. It even keeps all the ports, buttons, and cameras exposed.

—Yes, yes, honey. But consider …

—Consider my ear! Remember that time I accidentally knocked it of my lap? If it weren't for this Nearly Nude Case, my iPad mini might not even be alive today.

—I know it's hard to give up, baby. But these bloodsuckers will never stop hounding us. They're naturally attracted to the smell of naked celebrities, and who's more famous these days than your iPad mini? Ryan Gauzeface? Kim Cantdashindem? They're all nobodies compared to your tablet.

—It just wants to be natural. I mean, who doesn't like surfing the webs without any clothes on?

—I agree, but the world just isn't as liberal as us. Come on, dear. Let's put on the Smart Cover and go to the mall to find a cover that society will accept.

—Fine. But if one of those tabloid jerks gets all up in my face again, I'm going Sean Penn on their keisters.

—And I'll go Bjork with you, baby.

—On the count of three?

—One … two … three …

*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*

$12 for $19.95 Value—Find inner peace and personal affirmation with the I Like Book for women

Whether you're a stay at home mom with a hectic household to maintain, a professional woman climbing the corporate ladder, or a little bit of both, you probably spend most of your day focused on everyone except yourself. It's time to take a minute out of your busy schedule to celebrate the most important person in your life: You. And the best way to show yourself that you care is with the i like book for women.

Created by Meredith Looney, who brought you the i like book for kids and i like book for couples, the i like book for women gives you an easy way to pause, reflect, and record your personal thoughts. The entire 170-page softbound book is filled with clever designs, powerful quotes, and motivational stories that inspire both introspection and interaction. It challenges you to find a few moments to write down your thoughts—from little observations about your new hairstyle to life's larger accomplishments—with the ultimate goal of loving yourself more each day.

Deal Details

• 6" x 9" softbound book
• 170 pages
• Eco-friendly
• Made in the USA

www.theilikebook.com

$12 for $35 Value — Stay warm and make a statement handmade wool animal hats

Russell, Freeze! Don't move a muscle. I think there's something…something on your head. Could it…oh god! Oh god oh god oh god. It's a tiger! Russ…there's a tiger on your head. Just stay calm. And whatever you do, don't be scared. Fear only whets their appetites. And once they're hungry, only man flesh sates their bloodthirsty bellies. Betcha didn't think I knew anything about tigers, did you, Russ. Why do you think I watch so much Animal Planet? For Meerkat Manor?

Wait. Why am I talking about TV at a time like this? Okay, Russ. We've gotta focus. We need a plan. Quick. Think. What do we have in the house that might distract this wild beast from sinking his teeth into your jugular and making you his brunch? A gray langur maybe? Or a wild boar? Tigers love a good boar, but I think the closest thing we have is some low-sodium bacon. I'll go grab it. Hold tight, dear.

…

Well, I couldn't find any bacon, but we did have some hotdogs hiding in the back of the crisper…Russell. Don't move! I can't believe it, but I think a bear snuck in, ate the tiger, and now wants your face for dessert. Why is this happening to us, Russell? Whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?

Why are you laughing, Russell? You're about to know how a salmon feels inside the merciless jaws of a grizzly. It's no time for levity…unless you've gone mad from fright. Or maybe it's me who's lost it? No show I've ever seen mentioned anything about bears being lined with fleece. Or having tassels. Or…wait a second…did that package of handmade Himalayan wool animal hats arrive? Geez, Russ. I nearly had a heart attack. Now, where's my penguin?

$19 for $69.99 Value—Accent your outfit with a dazzling pair of Sterling Silver Earrings with Swarovski Crystal

—Spare some change?

—What, so you can just blow it on hooch or goofballs? I don't think so. Get a job, you bum!

—I had a job once. A good job. But it all fell apart when I … when I got hooked on the Austrian ice.

—A meth man, eh?

—Not that kind of ice. I'm talking the purest kind of crystal … Swarovski. I got my first taste during a business trip to Vienna, the birthplace of these precision-cut beauties. My liaison gave me a Swarovski tie clip as a welcome gift, and that was it for me. I skipped out on all my meetings and wandered the streets, ducking into every jewelry shop I passed and maxing out all my credit cards along the way. By the time I found my way back to the states, I had lost my job, my family, my savings … everything.

—So you're hopped up on glass schnitzel? I've heard about you stone slammers on 60 Minutes. The experts at the American Gemological Society say there's an epidemic brewing, but I find that hard to believe.

—It's only hard to believe if you've never experienced the sweet rush of Swar firsthand.

—Oh, I'm experienced. Take a look at these babies.

—They're … they're glorious.

—That's right. These Chloe earrings from UliNai are made with genuine Swarovski crystal elements in five color options and adorned with five sparkling Swarovski center stones. Plus, they're finished off with high-quality .925 sterling silver earwire.

—If I still had a house, I'd offer it to you for just one lick of those earrings.

—You see, that's the problem with you rock rollers. You never shop at OnSale, where you can get these gems for just $19 instead of $69.99.

—$19? I'm a fool. An utter, utter fool.

—Yes you are. Now get out of my way. Unlike you, I have a job.

Deal Details

• Made from genuine Swarovski crystal elements with five sparkling Swarovski center stones
• .0925 sterling silver earwire
• Pick between five color options: Clear AB, Topaz, Jet Diamond, Blue Denim, and Amethyst
• Gift box included
• Measures 14mm tall by 8mm wide

$49.95 for $162 Value—Tame your curls with CurlFriends' Summer Frizz Solution

One morning, as Gina Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, she discovered that her hair had been changed into a monstrous verminous pile of bugs. In place of her lustrous curls now lay a writhing mass of legs, antenna, and proboscides all flailing in a frizzy fury. "I'm so foolish in the morning," she thought to calm her steadily rising pulse. "It's just a wicked case of bed head. Nothing to get worked up about."

Gina pulled back the tussled sheets and made her way to the bathroom at the far end of her bedroom, letting out a long yawn along the way. It was there, under the warm glow of the vanity lights, that she faced the reality of the situation: her naturally curly hair had indeed transformed into a nest of pill bugs, millipedes, and unidentifiable invertebrates. Stunned, Gina clapped her hands against her face and rubbed her eyes. "This is crazy. You're just imagining things, Gina. Pull it together, grrl." She stopped rubbing, gripped the sides of her sink, and slowly opened her eyes. No change.

A hard rap on her door echoed through the bedroom. "Gina?" It was her mother. "Are you still in bed? You're going to be late for work. Chop chop." But how could she go to the office in this condition? How could she leave her room? "No one would recognize me," she said to herself. "My parents would probably shoo me out of the house with a broom, and I'd have to move to Florida just to fit in."

As the horror of living out the rest of her days in a panhandle freak show was sinking in, Gina was struck by a thought that filled her with hope. She pulled out her iPhone and checked the date … June 21st. The first day of summer. Her prayers had been answered.

Flinging off her pajamas, Gina jumped in the shower to start her anti-frizz regimen. "Good thing I picked up that Summer Frizz Solution kit from CurlFriends," she thought as she rinsed out the Cleanse Daily Shampoo and started running the Nourish Rinse Out Conditioner through her curls. Out of the shower, she styled her strands with a pinch of Control Gel and a few spritzes of Rejuvenate Texturizing Mist. For the finishing touch, a couple drops of Shine Hair Gloss with its rich sage scent. When she had finished, she wiped the steam off her mirror and looked directly at herself. Her buggy, frizzy hair was back to its naturally curly, bouncy, beautiful condition.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief, Gina rushed to get dressed and ran out the front door without stopping for her customary bowl of cereal. She was late for work.

Deal Details

• CurlFriend's Summer Frizz Solution comes with seven specially formulated hair care products to help keep your hair looking amazing when heat and humidity strike
• 8oz Cleanse Daily Shampoo: Premium salon shampoo that eliminates frizz while enhancing your hair's health with gentle, natural ingredients
• 7oz Purify Clarifying Shampoo: Formulated to detoxify, clarify, eliminate frizz, and improve the health of your curls
• 7oz Nourish Rinse Out Conditioner: Helps hydrate and moisturize your thirsty curls to fight off frizz and give your hair a silky touch
• 8oz Control Gel: Calm your curls and block unwanted moisture for frizz-free hair on humid days
• 4oz Replenish Leave-In Conditioner: The ideal leave-in conditioner to hold back frizz in thick, kinky, coarse, dry, or processed hair
• 8oz Rejuvenate Texturizing Mist: Boost curls, restore bounce, and add volume without introducing frizz with this natural texturizing mist
• 2oz Shine Hair Gloss: A few drops of this pure Sage Oil is all you need to add a brilliant shine and an alluring fragrance to all hair types

email: info@curlfriends.com
Tel. No. 800-621-2875


http://www.curlfriends.com/

$9.99 for $39.99 Value—Stop your stuff from sliding around with Anti-Slip Sticky Pads

—Yes, yes. It sounds like a great plan on paper, Marcus. But are we really getting outside the box with this … strategy … Marcus, I'm gonna have to call you back. There's a man outside my window climbing up the building.

*knock*knock*

—Excuse me. Do you need some help?

—Hissssss! It is not I who needs help, slave. It is you. For I am Raging Roach, the scourge of polite society and I've come to invade your precious office building and turn it into my lair. Deep in your walls and drop ceilings, I'll build my army of vicious cockroaches. Then, when all my traps have been set, I'll unleash my hoard of insane insects on the city and become your cruel overlord. Hissssss!

—Well, it's nice to meet you, neighbor. I thought we were the only tenants left in this space after that compassionate healthcare clinic above us was shut down by the DEA. I didn't quite catch what line of work you're in, though.

—Hissssss! World domination is my calling, and I'm not you're neighbor. Soon, I shall be your master and you will do my fiendish bidding without question lest you want to be fed to my pill bugs. Hissssss!

—World domination, eh? Sounds interesting. I'm in life insurance, myself. Which reminds me … how is your coverage?

—Hissssss! The Raging Roach needs no insurance. Hissssss!

—Are you sure? Scaling buildings and plotting the downfall of civilization is pretty hazardous. Say, how are you climbing this glass, anyhow?

—Hissssss! With my Anti-Slip Sticky Pads, you human simpleton. Most people use them to keep their cell phones, MP3 players and GPS devices from sliding around in their car, but they don't think big like me. I stuck them to my hands and feet, and now I can scurry up almost any surface with the speed and grace of the glorious cockroach. Hissssss!

—And they don't lose their stickiness?

—Hissssss! Of course they do, fool. But I just run them under some clean water, and they're as fresh as a newborn roach. Hissssss!

—Impressive, but you never know what the future holds. You wouldn't want to fall one day and leave your family behind without any resources, now would you?

—Hissssss! My family gets everything they need from your garbage. Your money means nothing to us. Hissssss!

—Well, you can't blame a man for asking. I'm just looking out for your best interests. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.

—Hissssss!

Deal Details

Its super sticky surface holds your phone, GPS, and other devices steady
Perfect in your car, at home, on your boat, in your locker, or anywhere else you want to keep your stuff from sliding around
Doesn't leave behind any reside
Works on flat, slanted, and vertical surfaces
Wash it off with water to bring back its stickiness
Comes with four Sticky Pads in assorted colors
Completely nontoxic 

$19.99 for $79.99 Value—Doll Up Your Doo With a 24-pack of Temporary Hair Chalk

—Bingo. There's the problem … the sink's seal has worn through. Hey, son. Help your old man out and grab my caulk.

—Here you go, pops.

—No no, son. I said grab my caulk, not grab my chalk. The caulk goes between the sink and the counter to keep the water from leaking through, and the multi-colored chalk goes in your father's hair to keep me feeling youthful and relevant.

—But why do you need chalk for your hair, daddy?

—Well, son. As a man gets older, his hair starts to turn gray. When this happens, his thoughts turn inward, and he starts contemplating his own mortality. I'd rather not think about my inevitable demise, so I cover the gray with pinks, lavenders, and greens. This particular hair chalk deal came with 24 assorted colors. Sure, it won't shield me from death's icy grip, but these vibrant hues will help mask my crippling fear of my accelerating decay.

—Does the chalk stay in long?

—It's not permanent, son. Of course, nothing in this world is. Just look at mommy and me … we were supposed to last forever, but now she's living in Colorado with your uncle Robbie. Fortunately, I can wash out my hair chalk without hiring a divorce lawyer and hiding my old record collection.

—Okay, dad. I'll go grab your caulk. Then is okay if I ride over to Devin's to play Madden?

—Go on ahead to Devin's, son. I'll grab my own caulk.

—Thanks, dad. I'll be back before dinner.

…

—And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon…

$39.99 for $129.99 Value—Sleep in the lap of luxury with a 4-piece Egyptian Comfort sheet set

—Hey, Bill. About your toga. It's … it's really involved.

—What, this little ditty? I wouldn't call it elaborate, honey.

—Jodhpurs, a turban and epaulettes? Bill, if you shaved your eyebrows and wore a sausage-link necklace, you'd be a dead ringer for Lady Gaga.

—I need to make a good impression. It's been ages since I've seen the old Gamma Alpha Upsilon boys. Besides, that new Egyptian Comfort Sheet Set was so exquisite that merely wrapping it around my waist would have been a waste.

—My new sheets? You ruined my new sheets for your fraternity reunion party?

—Now, Jill. Just calm down. I know your liberal arts college didn't have a Greek system, so I can't fault your toga party naïveté. But let me clue you in on a frat secret: togas chafe. Hard. When I got the invite to the reunion, I immediately started thinking about which sheets wouldn’t rub my body raw. Then it dawned on me: these new microfiber Egyptian Comfort Sheets feel as soft as 1600 thread count sheets. In theory, they should be silky enough not to cause a rash. I tested out my hypothesis by wearing one of the pillowcases like a cummerbund under my work shirts, and it worked like a charm.

—Your skin might not be irritated tonight, but your wife definitely will be.

—I figured you'd be miffed, Jill. But I have a surprise. There was enough material left over from the deep-pocketed fitted sheet and pillowcases for me to make you a toga as well. What do you think?

—I … I think it's beautiful. It looks like a cross between a Vera Wang wedding dress and a Gordon Gartrelle shirt.

—I'm glad you like it, Jill. Too bad it'll probably be covered in Jell-o, mud and mustard by the end of the night.

—What was that, Bill?

—Oh … nothing, dear.

Deal Details

• Egyptian comfort feel (equivalent to 1600 thread count)
• 4-piece set comes with a flat sheet, a fitted sheet, and 2 pillowcases
• Available in Full, Queen, and King sizes
• 12 color options
• Deep pocket to fit extra thick mattress (up to 19”)
• Wrinkle-free and super soft
• Microfiber for added plushness

$19.99 for $49.99 Value—Sip your morning Joe from an L-Series mug

Dear Customer Service,

I'm not usually the type to write angry letters about orders, but I couldn't let this go. As a professional photographer, I make my living behind the lens. It's how I put food on the table for my family … my very, very hungry family. When I have to buy new equipment, I always do my homework and look for the best bargains online.

That's how I ended up on your site. I needed to replace my Canon 24-105mm L-Series lens after a Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey accident at my last gig. These babies ain't exactly cheap, so I nearly flipped my lid when I saw your price. Figuring this was one of those "flash sales" the kids are always talking about, I immediately placed my order before you ran out or raised the price.

Well, the package arrived right on the day of a shoot. I was running late because I had to make my kids their second breakfast and didn't have time to open it up and give it a test drive. I got there on time, but when I opened the box, I was horrified to find out that my lens was actually a coffee mug! Fortunately, I'm a quick thinker and convinced the event coordinator to let me do an Instagram live feed, so I only had to use my iPhone's camera. If I hadn't improvised, the debacle could have ruined my reputation.

Obviously, I should have read the product description more closely before I placed my order … and should have guessed by the weight of the package that something was fishy. Nevertheless, I still think you bait-and-switched me. It ain't right, and I'm never shopping your site again.

P.S.: Love the mug!

Deal Details

• Looks similar to the Original Canon 24-105mm f/4 L IS Lens
• Comes with a cap to keep your drink from sloshing while you travel
• Safe to use for drinking

Email: support@tagcodeals.com
Telephone No: 630-317-7865

$12 for $25 Value—Save On Stylish Shades, Designer-Inspired

—This yours, son?

—Uh … nah, pops. Those aren't …

—Your mom says she found them in your closet.

—I dunno, dad. One of my friends must have …

—Must have what? Just spent a bunch of money on designer sunglasses, packed them in this old cigar box, and hid them away in your closet under your collection of body building magazines? Is that what you're telling me, son?

—Look, dad, it's not what you …

—Where did you get the money for all these, boy? Nike, Prada, Ray-Ban. Do you expect me to believe you could afford these stunning sunglasses on your allowance and paper route alone? Kate Spade and Ed Hardy? Let's cut the crap, kiddo. Where did you get 'em?

—Dad, it's …

—Answer me!

—Alright. I got them from SharpShades.com. And they're not authentic Chloe or Spy, dad. They're just inspired by Chloe, Spy, and all the rest of the brands I respect and admire.

—Even if they're not actually Yves Saint Lauren or Fendi, they still must have cost a pretty penny. I mean, look at the craftsmanship.

—They really are great, dad. I agree.

—Don't try and sweet-talk me, son. Just answer the question. How did you afford these?

—It's all OnSale's fault, dad. They had a special coupon for $12 that gave me a $25 credit at SharpShades.com. That's how.

—OnSale, eh? Those enabling sons of …

—Come on, dad. It's not OnSale's fault.

—Oh really? Then answer me this: who taught you how to dress up your wardrobe with stylish yet affordable eyewear?

—From you, alright. I learned it by watching you.

$20 for $50 value—Get $50 worth of designer sterling silver jewelry for just $20

Ever since Gerry in IT popped the question to Nadia in Marketing, she's been strutting around the office flashing her ring to anyone who will stop and look. Everyone then has to hear all about how he popped the question by taking her out to dinner at Solomon's, where he arranged for the chef to cook the ring in an escargot, which she almost ate, but he stopped her and got down on one knee and blah blah blah. Gag me with a snail spoon.

We get it, Nadia. Your rock is ginormous and your life is going to be all milk and honey. We want to be happy for you, but you just bagged the last halfway decent man in the office. All that's left now are the warehouse guys who blow snot rockets into the break room sink and Turtleneck Tom in HR. Thanks a lot, Nadia. I guess it pays to be the "tipsy" girl at the holiday party.

Well, I'm not going to let her dominate the conversation one more day. I got this amazing coupon from OnSale—$50 worth of jewelry at DesignerSilvers.com for just $20—and now I'm bracelet blocking her at the water cooler. Every time she tries to bring up her engagement, I swoop in and start chatting about the exquisite design of my .925 sterling silver rings, bangles, necklaces, and earrings. See, all of the pieces at DesignerSilvers.com cost just $19.95, so I was able to load up on these amazing accessories without dipping into my mani-pedi funds.

I think my plan is working. It seems like everyone's talking about how I keep going on and on about the purity of my sterling silver jewelry and that I might be losing it. No one's discussing Nadia and her dumb ring. Mission accomplished. 

www.designersilvers.com

Customer Service Hours:
Mon – Fri: 8 a.m. – 5 p.m. EST

$20 for $40 Value—Score $40 worth of sick shades for $20

—Listen, Aaron. I'm not trying to question your sense of fashion. But this new look is throwing me.

—You don't dig my new Japanese shirt pants? They're all the rage in Belize right now.

—No, no. Those are pretty dope.

—So it's my rainbow suspender hat, is it? This is a one-of-a-kind Helmut Auterlitz that shipped all the way from Dusseldorf. I could name at least a dozen Norwegian models who would knife me for this gem.

—That's a hat? I though you were just working on your balance. Look, it's those sunglasses. Why are you wearing two pairs at a time?

—What, these? It's irony, man. I'm trying to say that my future's future is so bright, I gotta wear shades and shades.

—Why is that ironic?

—Oh, you know. I just lost my job for wearing a chainmail tuxedo to the office and my girlfriend kicked me out for cutting off ever right sleeve in her closet.

—That's pretty rough stuff. But if you just lost your job, how did you afford two new pairs of shades?

—Easy. OnSale's running this special deal where you can get a $40 voucher to Vibewear.com for just $20. Since all their sunnies are around $20, I scored two for the price of one.

—Seriously? They look like my legit Wayfarers except I dropped a hundo on those at the mall.

—Bonehead move, man.

—Yeah, I hear you. So what are you gonna do now that you're out of work and out of love?

—I think it's time I finally tried starting my own clothing line. I've been working on some ideas. Imagine an entire summer collection inspired by Bjork's swan dress and a slaughterhouse. What do you think?

—… Uhhhh.

—Exactly.

www.vibewear.com

Customer Service Hours:

Mon – Fri: 8 a.m. – 5 p.m. EST

$59 for $219.99 Value—Style your hair like a pro with the Beyond The Beauty Hair Dryer

—A package of baloney, a bottle of Sour Apple Pucker, and the Reader's Digest. Anything else for you today?

—Just one more thing … stick 'em up. This here's a robbery, see. Now empty out the register like a good little store clerk, and you'll get to go home to see your family again in one piece.

—Are you yanking my chain, man?

—Do I look like I'm kiddin' around here, kid?

—This has to be a joke, right? Are you Juicing me? Am I being Juiced?

—No. You're being robbed. Now fork over the cash.

—Or what?

—Or … or I'll have to pull the trigger.

—The trigger on your hair dryer?

—Hey. Zip your lip, punk. This ain't your typical dryer. It's a genuine Beyond The Beauty Hair Dryer, the kind the pros use. I could melt your eyeballs clean out of your skull with its 1600W A/C Jonson motor in either of its two heat settings.

—How are you gonna do anything to my eyeballs when it's not even plugged in? And the closest socket is a good 2 meters away. There's no way you'd reach me at that distance.

—Wrong! This puppy has a full 2.5 meter cord, so I'll have more than enough slack to liquefy your peepers.

—Well, even if it were plugged in, surely you wouldn't be able keep your grip on that coif canon while we struggle.

—Wrong again! Not only is it ergonomically styled, but it's even got a slip-proof finish. The only thing that'll be dropping around here is your eye-less body if you don't start handing over that dough.

—Okay, okay. Let's just calm down.

—Calm? How am I supposed to stay calm when you keep talking trash on my dryer. I've got half a mind to slip on one of its two airflow concentrators and turn your entire face into a bubbling pool of goo.

—Look, here's the money. Now just take it and leave. Please.

—Now we're talking. Oh, but before I go, do you have any VO5 leave in conditioner oil? I'm trying to tame these natural curls.

—Just split, already.

—Fine, fine. I'll try the CVS.

$59 for $219.99 Value—Style your hair like a pro with the Beyond The Beauty Hair Dryer

—A package of baloney, a bottle of Sour Apple Pucker, and the Reader's Digest. Anything else for you today?

—Just one more thing … stick 'em up. This here's a robbery, see. Now empty out the register like a good little store clerk, and you'll get to go home see your family again in one piece.

—Are you yanking my chain, man?

—Do I look like I'm kiddin' around here, kid?

—This has to be a joke, right? Are you Juicing me? Am I being Juiced?

—No. You're being robbed. Now fork over the cash.

—Or what?

—Or … or I'll have to pull the trigger.

—The trigger on your hair dryer?

—Hey. Zip your lip, punk. This ain't your typical dryer. It's a genuine Beyond The Beauty Hair Dryer, the kind the pros use. I could melt your eyeballs clean out of your skull with its 1600W A/C Jonson motor in either of its two heat settings.

—How are you gonna do anything to my eyeballs when it's not even plugged in? And the closest socket is a good 2 meters away. There's no way you'd reach me at that distance.

—Wrong! This puppy has a full 2.5 meter cord, so I'll have more than enough slack to liquefy your peepers.

—Well, even if it were plugged in, surely you wouldn't be able keep your grip on that coif canon while we struggle.

—Wrong again! Not only is it ergonomically styled, but it's even got a slip-proof finish. The only thing that'll be dropping around here is your eye-less body if you don't start handing over that dough.

—Okay, okay. Let's just calm down.

—Calm? How am I supposed to stay calm when you keep talking trash on my dryer. I've got half a mind to slip on one of its two airflow concentrators and turn your entire face into a bubbling pool of goo.

—Look, here's the money. Now just take it and leave. Please.

—Now we're talking. Oh, but before I go, do you have any VO5 leave in conditioner oil? I'm trying to tame these natural curls.

—Just split, already.

—Fine, fine. I'll try the CVS.

$25 for $40 Value—Teach your kids their ABCs with handmade wood alphabet blocks - Includes Shipping!

—Listen, honey. Don't you think we've taken this whole vintage fad a tad too far?

—Too far? Whatever do you mean, dear?

—Well, I was all in favor of getting little Suzie those handmade wooden alphabet blocks instead of the LeapPad2 tablet. Both of us played with wooden toys when we were kids, and we both turned out okay.

—We sure did. And none of my old toys were as carefully crafted as these blocks. Each one is sanded and branded by hand. You just don't find quality like that these days.

—I can't argue with you there. And Suzie absolutely loves playing with them, spelling out words and practicing her addition. But ever since we got those blocks, you've been slowly replacing all our stuff with old junk.

—Junk? Since when is a 1932 Royal Quiet DeLuxe typewriter junk? Hemingway used to write with one of these.

—Yeah, but Hemingway didn't work from home as a freelance web designer. How am I supposed to code when you threw out our computer?

—You don't have to do computer stuff anymore, dear. You can help me with my candle making business. These tapers aren't going to dip themselves, you know. Or if you're worried about burning your delicate coder's fingers, you could water the garden.

—By garden, do you mean the pile of dirt in our bathtub? We live in Brooklyn … in an apartment … on the fifth floor. It's not exactly Green Acres.

—So what … I suppose you'd like to go back to our cookie-cutter consumer past where we only buy things with circuit boards and batteries instead of rusty metal and rivets.

—I'm not saying that we stop buying vintage. I just think we need to come to a compromise. How about we keep Suzie's toys, your nightgowns and my shaving tools retro. For everything else, we'll rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to choose. Deal?

—Fine. It's a deal. But I'm keeping the wood-burning stove. It's so much easier to cure fatback than with the gas range.

Deal Details

• Handmade wooden alphabet blocks measuring approximately 1.5" x 1.5" x .75"
• Each block is individually branded with a wood burner
• Numeral blocks are branded with domino patterns on back
• Rounded corners and fine sanding make them smooth and splinter-free
• Comes with 36 blocks in total
• Handmade cloth storage bag included

$19 for $80 Value—Enjoy A Year's Worth Of Clean Teeth With Twelve Oral B Replacement Brush Heads

—Rise and shine, dear. It's time to get up.

—AAAAAIIIEEEEEEEE! Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?

—What are you talking about, Janet. It's me … Bill.

—Stop lying to me, liar! You can't be Bill. Your … your breath is far too fresh this early in the morning. When my husband wakes up, his mouth smells like a sweat-soaked gym towel that's been left to mildew at the bottom of a laundry basket.

—What are you talking about, Janet? I'm Bill. Your soul mate since '98. The father of our three children. The man who's been sleeping next to you for over a decade.

—There's no way you're Bill. I'd recognize his morning breath anywhere … you can't un-remember that reek. It's like someone puked on a pile of rotten broccoli.

—Come on, Janet. My breath isn't that bad.

—Not that bad? Stuffing your face in a bag of medical waste that's been stewing in a hospital dumpster for a week is not that bad. Getting a snoot-full of my mate's halitosis before breakfast is like a roundhouse kicked to the nose.

—Look at me, Janet. I'm Bill.

—Bill … it really is you. But where's your bad breath? Are you chewing on a dryer sheet or something?

—No, honey. I just changed out my Oral B electric toothbrush's head last night. I guess it was getting old.

—A new brush head? That's all it took?

—As simple as that.

—So I can expect you to wake up with a minty fresh mouth for another couple of months? What a relief.

—Not just months, dear. I got a dozen replacement heads.

—Oh, Bill. I would kiss you right now if I hadn't developed a Pavlovian fear of your pre-noon face.


www.Hybridsuperdeals.com