Start A Fire In Your Youth Room!

Above is a picture of our brand new fire pit. Instead of buying one “off the shelf” at Lowe’s, we went all in. We dedicated 1/3 of our back yard to a large (5′ diameter) fire pit with room for a dozen people to encircle. The idea was simple: We live in a small house with very little extra space for conversation, so let’s create an outdoor “great room” of sorts.

Last night, our teenage son and 8 of his friends broke it in. They hung out around the fire pit for a couple hours talking, laughing and burning things. Somehow, the fire pit created an atmosphere that made them way more open to conversation….with each other and with my son’s dorky middle-aged parents.

It got me thinking about junior high ministry, and the environments we create (or fail to create) to help foster conversations. The obvious answer is to to grab the old faded plaid couch in the corner of your youth room, move it to the center and torch the sucker! Trust me, that would get your kids talking!And it will get you fired. So the second best idea is to simply ask yourself, “How might we create ‘fire pit’ environments in our junior high ministry that would create more natural opportunities for conversations?”

To get you started, here are some thoughts about creating “fire pit environments” in your ministry:

- A warm, friendly feel.
- conversations are welcome, but not forced….they flow naturally.
- laughter is a value.
- Physical comfort. So don’t burn the old faded plaid couch, find MORE of them.
- Create a sense of relaxation…unhurried feeling.
- An environment where everybody’s voice matters.

As you head into Summer, it’s the perfect time to build a fire pit atmosphere in your junior high ministry!

Helping Families Get Healthy…Anything Is Better Than Nothing!

The other day, Doug Fields wrote a great post in which he mentioned four ways churches might help strengthen families:
STRONG marriages
CONFIDENT parents
EMPOWERED kids
HEALTHY leaders

And while our youth ministry isn’t tackling those four areas in a strategically defined manner, I do think we’ve taken some pretty significant steps over the past two or three years that (I hope) are serving our families well. Here are a few new things we’re doing as well as some old stuff we’re simply trying to do a little bit better:

- Worship Together Weekends: We’ve written and talked a lot about this. Once a month, we cancel our JH and HS youth programs so families can attend “big church” together as a family.

- Parent Text Messages: Both our JH and HS ministries give parents the opportunity to sign up for a text message subscription that provides all sorts of announcements, insights, etc. from our team to mom and dad.

- “Help, I’m The Parent Of….!”: We recently had our first “Help, I’m The Parent Of….” workshop and it was a huge success. “Help, I’m The parent Of a Tech-Savvy Teen” helped parents understand how to navigate the world of social media with their teenagers. We plan to do a couple such workshops each year covering different topics.

If you happen to be in the Southern California area and would like to host your own, “Help, I’m The Parent Of A Tech-Savvy Teen” email me at kurt@saddleback.com and I’ll be happy to put you in contact with the organization the put this wonderful event together for us.

- Family Activities: We are trying to put together more family events instead of events solely for teenagers. Not a ton….just a few per year. This past weekend, we had a family service in junior high and invited parents to join their junior high child for a lesson about the importance of family and a BBQ afterward.

- Better Costumer Service: This is an area I think we have taken big steps in…and we still have room to improve. We want to return emails and phone calls from parents quickly. We want to be easy to find at church. We want our communication to be timely and accurate. Trust is earned in the little things. And good customer service is a great place to start.

Doing youth ministry in a manner that serves the family well isn’t easy. And to be honest, it’s not the way I was raised to think about youth ministry which is why I’m thankful for people like Doug Fields, Kara Powell and others who are leading the charge.

A Youth Ministry Volunteer Speaks His Mind!

I couldn’t be more excited about the new book, A Youth Ministry Volunteer Speaks His Mind….at least what’s left of it!

Rick Williams has been a volunteer youth worker for over 30 years, and has written a book specifically for those of us who are the primary leaders of our youth ministries. If you lead a youth ministry, this book is a must read.Rick has a fun, simple and very direct writing style that will make you laugh while it punches you in the gut! Rick is willing to say in this book what so many of the men and women who serve alongside us want to say…but rarely do.

I was fortunate enough to serve alongside Rick for the first six years of my youth ministry career, and I’m thrilled he is finally sharing with everybody else some of the stuff he taught me all those years ago. Here is the description from the website:

Ever wondered what your volunteers really think about you, your leadership, and your ministry?

Get an insider’s perspective from Rick Williams, who has seen it all as a volunteer in youth ministry: futile meetings, weak leadership, disorganized events, lax standards, and even the occasional guilt trip. Yet despite all these challenges, he has remained a volunteer for more than 30 years!

Your volunteers have feedback and suggestions that can help you lead more effectively. Most of them want to serve in meaningful ways. They want to take ownership. They want you and the youth ministry to succeed. But are you listening and truly hearing what they’re saying?

A Youth Ministry Volunteer Speaks His Mind will help you navigate the waters of engaging volunteers in life-changing ministry to teenagers. Rick’s perspective may not align perfectly with the people who serve alongside you, but you’ll discover truckloads of wisdom and experience from his insights. Leading a team of volunteers isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but they’re worth the effort!

You can get a digital or hard copy version right here!

Ownership = Excellence

In addition to the normal youth group happenings, a typical weekend in our student ministries includes any number of youth pastors popping in for a visit. Sometimes their visit is with several others as part of a planned visit and sometimes it’s a youth pastor and his wife who are vacationing in Southern California and he managed to persuade her to spend a vacation morning sitting in our youth programs.

And I always find myself “apologizing” up front for what they are about to experience. “We’re so glad you are with us! I’m afraid you are going to be a little disappointed, though. We’re not a well-oilded machine. In fact, there’s not much happening in our group that isn’t happening in yours”, I routinely say. But I’m learning that this isn’t entirely true. There is something happening in our junior high ministry that I have assumed happens all over the place, but I’m learning I’ve been mistaken.

If you had visited our ministry this past weekend you would have seen a worship band made up entirely of junior highers (with one HS vocalist struggling to keep everybody on key!), three junior highers in our tech room running the cameras and directing the “shots”, two junior highers running our sound board and lights (we probably could have used a little adult intervention on that one), and an 8th grade girl sharing about the ministry she founded that sells cupcakes to help kids with cancer. And you would have probably happily paid $1 for one of her delicious home-made goodies at the booth she set up in the back of our gymnasium.

What you wouldn’t have seen much of is excellence; at least not in the way it is traditionally defined! The worship team struggled quite a bit, the guys in the tech room were consistently a slide (or two or three) behind at any given moment in the service, My microphone kept popping and getting feedback, and Saturday after church our cupcake girl shared that she wouldn’t be able to be there on Sunday….and hoped we’d still be willing to sell her cupcakes (which we did, of course).

Our visiting youth pastors are rarely impressed with the level of excellence they witness. I’m surprised, though, at how often they comment on the level of student involvement and ownership happening.

I share this to remind you that as you lead your junior high ministry you have a decision to make, and how you answer is determined mostly by what you value. Do you want your ministry to be marked by excellence or by ownership? In high school ministry, and certainly in adult ministry, these two values can coexist but that isn’t really the case in ministry to young teens. Ownership almost always means a lack of excellence, at least as it has been traditionally defined.

But maybe it’s time to redefine “excellence”. Maybe excellence doesn’t mean every note is on key, every cue is hit, every mic is turned up on time, and every announcement is given flawlessly. Maybe Ownership = Excellence.

Lessons and Games…The Rules Are Often The Same

In a typical junior high ministry gathering, two things are almost always present: A game and a lesson. And believe it or not, the keys to success are mostly the same for each!

LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE: A short lesson is almost always better than a long one! Nobody ever complained that the lesson was too short. Plus, a short lesson leaves your junior highers actually wanting to hear more. Short games are almost always better than long ones, too. Playing their favorite game too often ends up making it a game they are tired of and no longer get excited to play.

THE PAYOFF NEEDS TO EQUAL THE SET UP: The longer it takes to tell a story in your lesson, the better the “punchline” or application needs to be. When you start by saying, “I’ve got the most hilarious story in the world to share….” it better be a pretty stinkin’ hilarious story. If you say, “Today’s lesson could be the most important one I’ve ever taught….” it better be really important! A game that takes 10 minutes to explain and 35 seconds to play is a fail….the payoff didn’t equal the set-up. When you send out a text claiming, “tonight in JH ministry we will play a game of epic proportions…” only to have the game be a rousing game of musical chairs, you lose.

REMEMBER YOUR AUDIENCE:Junior high ministry is about them, not you. The lessons you teach need to speak to the world junior highers find themselves navigating. Teach them what they want/need to learn, not what you want/need to teach. Likewise, your games need to be age appropriate and conscientious of the developmental stage and insecurities of young teens. Games that are overly competitive, overly physical and have the potential to be overly embarrassing are best avoided.

IF YOU WOULDN’T DO IT WITH PARENTS IN THE ROOM, DON’T DO IT! Would you tell that story in the lesson if parents were there? Would you make such a strong proclamation or manipulate your students toward a desired response as aggressively if a handful of moms and dads were sitting in the crowd? No? Then don’t do it in their absence. Would you play such an outrageous game if parents were present? Would it be as gross, edgy, dangerous, etc? No? Then pass.

What would you add to the list of “rules” that apply both to lessons and to games?

Your Splash Zone

I recently had the fun experience of hearing Bob Goff speak at the Orange Conference. At some point during his wonderful, wandering, wacky message he told the story of taking his grandchild to Sea World and sitting in the “splash zone” during a Shamu show.

His story got me thinking about Leadership; and the fact that we all have a personal “splash zone”. Our decisions, actions, attitudes, healthy and unhealthy leadership interactions “splash” onto others; especially those closest to us…the people who live day-to-day in our splash zone.Here are just a few people who find themselves in my splash zone:

- My wife
- My Kids
- My close friends
- The team I lead at Church
- The other Pastor’s I work with at church
- The students in our ministry
- People who read this blog
- Men and women in the Youth Ministry Nation I get the privilege of rubbing shoulders with
- Etc.

Your Splash Zone list would probably look similar. The question isn’t “Do I Have a Splash Zone”, but rather “What, exactly, am I splashing people with?” (that’s probably not the best way to phrase that question, but you get the point!) As I leader, I am splashing people all the time….but with what?

- Sarcasm?
- The residue of my knee-jerk reactions?
- Passion?
- Faith?
- Empowerment?
- Insecurity?
- Servant heartedness?
- Etc.

As a leader, people are either rushing toward a seat in your splash zone or sprinting the other direction! And it’s almost always determined by what they find themselves soaked in after being around you.

Question for you today: How does your Splash Zone effect the junior high ministry you lead?

A New Resource, What I’m Reading and Random Randomness.

I’m really excited about this brand new junior high Sermon Series called, “Snapshots; Pictures of Jesus” In this four-week series students will look at Jesus the Human, Jesus the Shepherd, Jesus the Rebel and Jesus the Savior.

I’m about half-way through a great new book, Contagious; Why Things Catch On, by Jonah Berger. In a style similar to Malcolm Gladwell, Berger sets out to actually quantify the science of why ideas, trends, products etc. catch on and become so popular. So far I’m loving it!

RANDOM RANDOMNESS:

* Yes, The Simply Youth Ministry Show is on a break. We may bring it back and we may not. It’s fun, people seem to enjoy it, but it’s a ton of work. We’ll see.

* So happy that Tim Tebow got released by the Jets! I have no idea what his future in the NFL looks like, but it looks brighter today than it did yesterday!

* Speaking of sports. Let’s talk baseball; or more specifically; why I’ve lost interest.I think I’ve lost interest in baseball for the same reason I’ve lost interest in Basketball and have never been interested in Hockey: The seasons are just too long! I like sports where every game in the regular season truly matters. I get excited for the playoffs, but always feel guilty for suddenly being excited about a sport that I’ve ignored for the previous 5 months.

Necessary Endings

Last weekend I had the honor of being in a fairly small group of people listening to Dr. Henry Cloud talk about leadership.

He shared tons of good stuff, but one thing he talked about stuck out above the rest: Necessary Endings.Using hoarding as the analogy, Dr. Cloud talked about church leader’s tendency to “hoard” old methods, events, traditions, etc. as we lead the church. Just like a hoarder’s garage, our churches and the ministries we lead are often cluttered with old ways of doing things and cherished things from the past that we cling on to….often for reasons that make perfect sense to us, but seem odd (or even disturbing) to outsiders who don’t understand or appreciate the past. Many of these things keep us from moving forward….thus the need for “necessary endings” at times.

Think about your junior high ministry. What are you holding onto that you shouldn’t?What systems, traditions, methods, events, and “junior high ministry comfort food” do you refuse to let go of? Is there stuff in your ministry that used to be of value; stuff that is important or meaningful to you but not to anybody else?In short, are you a junior high ministry hoarder who needs to bring about some necessary endings so your ministry can move forward?

I am.

The Big 3

I was recently asked what I believed to be the three most important aspects of a healthy junior high ministry. I hesitated because I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to narrow junior high ministry down to the THREE most important pieces. For me, passion for Jesus and a desire to point junior highers toward a relationship with Him is assumed in ministry to junior highers so that wasn’t included in my answer.Here is what I came up with, in order of importance:

3) Patience. Nothing good happens over night. It takes time to build a “junior high ministry culutre” in most churches. It takes time to develop a team of dedicated volunteers. It takes time to figure out how junior high ministry differs from high school ministry, etc.

2) Caring Adults Who LIKE Junior Highers. Every christian loves junior high kids…they have to because it’s part of the christian code to love each other. But most adults don’t LIKE junior highers. Adults who are comfortable and actually enjoy being around quirky, insecure, high-energy, question-filled, obnoxious junior highers are hard to find but vital to a healthy junior high ministry.

1) A Church Dedicated To The Cause. Is the church excited about young teen ministry? Is it willing to resource the ministry by providing a meeting space, tossing a few dollars its direction, helping you recruit qualified leaders (even if those leaders decide to abandon their current place of volunteerism)? Is the church going to rally behind your efforts to minister to junior high parents and to nudge the entire congregation towards recognizing that young teens desperately need to be valued and included in the overall life of the church….allowed to use their gifts, be themselves and be embraced by the entire church family instead of being relegated to the “junior high area”?

That’s my BIG 3: An excited church, caring adults and patience.What would your BIG 3 Include?

Rubber Bands

Over the years, rubber bands have made expected and unexpected appearances in our junior high ministry.

- We’ve held contests to see how many somebody could stretch from ear to ear.
- We’ve held contests seeing who could shoot theirs the farthest.
- We’ve wrapped tons of them around a pumpkin hoping to make it burst.
- We’ve spent an entire small group night unwrapping a rubber band ball and attempting to re-wrap it.
- We’ve played “dodge-band” in super tight spaces (that one didn’t work too well)

Rubber bands, and the multitude of strange uses they provide, are a wonderful reminder of a junior high ministry principle:

Junior Highers Will Get Excited About What The Leaders Make Exciting

For sure, every single one of our rubber band adventures could have flopped; there was really nothing uber-exciting about any of them, but the adults in the room were committed to the cause. As far as the adults were concerned, shooting rubber bands for distance or playing a round of “dodge band” was going to be the most exciting 15 minutes of the week…and this convinced our junior highers of the same thing.

Attitudes are contagious.
Fun is contagious.
Energy is contagious.
Passion is contagious.
Compassion is contagious.
Joy is contagious.
Love is contagious.

Junior highers will follow your lead. They will go where you choose to take them. Rubber bands prove this to be true.

SYM Show: It's Too Hot....Somebody Turn On The A.C.!

Kurt misses his first show ever (he says it's because he was out helping an old lady cross the street), and nobody cares because A.C. is in the house! On this episode A.C. and Jason discuss transitioning children from the kids ministry to the youth group, how to calendar and plan, parents taking advantage of you, the myth of keeping up the pace and the fact that A.C.'s daughter is quickly becoming picky and pricey!

SYM Show: It's Too Hot....Somebody Turn On The A.C.!

Kurt misses his first show ever (he says it's because he was out helping an old lady cross the street), and nobody cares because A.C. is in the house! On this episode A.C. and Jason discuss transitioning children from the kids ministry to the youth group, how to calendar and plan, parents taking advantage of you, the myth of keeping up the pace and the fact that A.C.'s daughter is quickly becoming picky and pricey!

Navigation Devices

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, Snapchat, pornography at your fingertips…these are just some of the most obvious pieces of a young teen’s world that didn’t exist when most of us were thirteen. Add to this list stuff like increased violence, decreased tolerance of faith in public and fewer and fewer cultural “norms” that have traditionally served as rudders of sorts and it’s easy to see why so many parents are raising their kids from a posture of fear.

As a savvy youth worker, I hope you are constantly on the lookout for opportunities to encourage the parents of kids in your youth group and community. One way to do this is to help them as they (hopefully) think about a healthy parenting strategy in these ever-changing, and increasingly challenging times.

One analogy that I have begun to use, that seems to resinate with parents, is that of a navigation device. The navigation device on my phone helps me safely get to unknown places…it points the way…it re-directs me when I get off track…always with the destination in mind….and when it gets too annoying, I shut it off. It does what it can, but ultimately I’m the one behind the wheel.Parents are like a navigation device in the life of their junior high child….

Not a perfect analogy, but one that has provided a little bit of hope for more than a few parents.

How about you? Do you have a favorite analogy or tip you share with parents? Share it with the rest of us!

And, We’re Back (hopefully)

After several weeks of blog fiascos (technical challenges far above my pay grade) we’ve returned! Apparently, this blog implodes if readership goes past 13.

Some Random Randomness to get us back in our groove:

* On Tuesday and Wednesday night of this week, we invited all of our JH small groups to meet us at church for a Seder Dinner. It was an awesome time of education, worship and appreciation for the traditions of our Jewish friends. When you combine wealthy Orange County kids with Evangelicalism, it’s no surprise that a lack of an understanding of history and tradition prevails.

* Summer is coming, and you are probably already beginning to plan your summer camps or retreats. I’ve created a new experiential book/journal that I believe is the PERFECT way to help the kids at camp get to know one another. Check it out!

* Speaking of Summer Camp….IT IS SO EXPENSIVE! I’m just thinking out loud, here and would love your thoughts: Would a stay-at-home camp of sorts ever work for JH students?One way to think of it would be a hyped up, way cooler, jh version of VBS that takes place over 3 or 4 days. Many of the elements of traditional camp but way less costly. Thoughts on that, please!

SYM Show: Hug It Out!

The guys dig into more mail from the Youth Ministry Nation and tackle questions about when to make changes, how to handle an unsupportive church, dating tips and more. Plus...an incredibly awkward hug.

SYM Show: Hug It Out!

The guys dig into more mail from the Youth Ministry Nation and tackle questions about when to make changes, how to handle an unsupportive church, dating tips and more. Plus...an incredibly awkward hug.

The Pendulum Principle

The pendulum swings, and it almost always swings back. It rarely swings all the way back to its original starting point, but tends to come to rest someplace in a new, healthier middle.Here are a couple examples:

* Chick-Fil-A: Chick-Fil-A gets on the radar for donating funds to organizations that support traditional marriage (or oppose same-sex marriage). When questioned about it, Dan Cathy, the President and COO defends his company’s decisions. Suddenly, the pendulum swings. the initial swing of the pendulum created headlines, got people excited, sparked debate, etc. But the pendulum eventually swang back to a new, healthier middle. The swing of the pendulum, as uncomfortable as it was, actually served to create a few steps of progress and understanding, at least for those honest enough to recognize it.You probably didn’t read this story, because it doesn’t fit the narrative of either side but it shows that the pendulum principle is true in the Chick-Fil-A case:

* The Accusations Against Youth Ministry: A few years ago Researchers, bloggers, professors and “thought leaders” suddenly began to focus on an issue that has always been an issue: Faith abandonment in churchgoing teenagers after high school. Because these people have avenues to distribute these new findings, because juicy topics get attention and because many youth workers have, in fact, grown far too comfortable with the status quo…and the pendulum swang. Suddenly youth ministry was broken. It was the primary cause of faith abandonment. Paradigms, programs and attempts to attract teenagers to church were attacked and questions such as “is youth ministry even biblical to begin with?” began to dominate our landscape. But the pendulum is already beginning to swing back to a new, healthier middle. The initial swing forced many of us to ask tough questions, challenge our assumptions and make some overdue changes; changes that without the initial swing of the pendulum would have seem to big or unnecessary.

Here are some thoughts about how to lead when the pendulum swings:

* Thank God for the “Pendulum Pushers”! Without men and women pushing the pendulum, most of us would never change. The status quo is a safe place. Pendulum Pushers don’t play it safe. They force issues. They make us uncomfortable. And that’s a good thing.

* Respond, don’t react! A sudden, knee-jerk, reaction to the initial swing of the pendulum is almost always the wrong move. Instead try to discern what factors caused the initial swing, and how/if you should wisely respond to those factors. The issues causing the initial swing are usually warranted….but the first swing is usually too big and reacting to it can result in decisions you’ll later regret.

* Take a few steps toward the new, healthier middle. To ignore a significant pendulum swing, and the progress it might help you make would be a mistake.

Would love your thoughts. Where have you experienced a pendulum swing? What lessons have you learned?

SYM Show: Headbangers, Worship Divas and Theology!

The Youth Ministry Nation mailbox is overflowing with emails so the guys are taking the next three episodes to catch up! This week, questions and conversation flow fast and furious....which makes sense in light of Kurt's occasional insistence that he looks like Vin Diesel (mostly just the arms).

SYM Show: Headbangers, Worship Divas and Theology!

The Youth Ministry Nation mailbox is overflowing with emails so the guys are taking the next three episodes to catch up! This week, questions and conversation flow fast and furious....which makes sense in light of Kurt's occasional insistence that he looks like Vin Diesel (mostly just the arms).

SYM Show: The E's Have It!

This week, Jason commits the unforgivable sin: He badmouths George Lucas. In the meantime, Kurt isn't even sure who George Lucas is. As for youth ministry discussion....the guys tackle portions of a topic that is a constant challenge in youth ministry; creating a healthy volunteer ministry culture. As Kurt rambles off some of his thoughts, a disturbing trend is identified.